Is she a nightmare you want to wake up from?

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5 Things that should make you not be together that are her fault. Even if you tell her and she screams some variation on the theme of it always being about you.

1. Look around. Where’s all your old friends? Is she just sitting there, filing her nails and laughing at “this show is so funny!” As you realize Friend A is “rude,” according to her; Friend B is. “ignorant,” C is “a loser,” D is “dragging you down,” etc. You turned your back on your friends! She won’t even fuck you anymore (“So tired”) or talk to you
(“There’s nothing to say”) but having someone over/going out alone is out if the question. You finally say, “I have no friends” and she is hurt. “I’M your friend, she says.

2. Let’s get back to sex. It’s been two months and that was because it was your birthday. She wouldn’t let you touch her because she hadn’t shaved her legs and gave you a dry, painful hand job while sticking her tits in your face and fake-moaning. “What about you?” you said after you finally splooged and she said, “I came. Oh my God, you didn’t even notice!?”

3. She criticizes you in front of people. A sloppy drinker, she starts in on glass two: “Don’t ask HIM, he’s a moron. Tell them how you failed high school!”

4. She cries like someone has died during chick flicks while talking about her friends during the commercials. “If that cunt from thinks she can tell ME what to do!? That fat slag. I fucked her husband, you know. Isn’t that funny? Shut up the movies on. WAH!”

5. You save up money for jewelry for her and you hear her on the phone mocking you. “He gave me a diamond so small I’m not sure it’s there. Like his dick!”

Extremes of certain truths. I saw a tee shirt in Provincetown in the 70s that said it best:

DITCH THE BITCH

AND SWITCH.

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