Mrs Dumbass-Bernardo

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Shitbag Dumbass writes all over the pages of her phone’s NOTES

He is innocent, she says into a mirror then falls to the floor laughing

She wanted to marry a famous guy and the closest she ever got was

Strombo saying Hi to her on the street

He got into a beautiful, beautiful car
before she could tell him more

Like, I’m a Sagittarius, and I hate mornings!

She wrote to Puppy, she calls him Puppy, a lot

He’s gorgeous whatever

And he wrote back It gets boring in here fuck

Poor puppy, let me be your bad girl?

He was into it. And her rap

Word to the Haters
PoPo is a killa
I’ll see y’all laters
With my fat stacks of scrilla

That’s good, he wrote

Then Fuck, I can’t even get HBO

He asked her to marry him
during a visit

She dressed in knee socks
and called him Deadly Innocence

They plan to jerk off at the exact same
time as a honeymoon

Don’t judge a man till you’ve lived
his life! she tells her parents

The Dumbasses

And they nod because they’re scared
of her

Gimme tattoo money! she says

She’s getting Puppy’s name on her face, and probably going to see
Edge of Tomorrow

L84 she writes and sprays the envelope with Febreze

Rubs one out and says Bitch come on!
to her little sister she’s giving a lift to

Puppy thinks she’s cute
She thinks he’s fucking blind.

  • Leila

    You’re the only person who’s allowed to talk about Bernardo as far as I’m concerned.
    This is bloody fucking amazing.

  • KatieP

    This is excellent.
    *deep, sad sigh*

  • Sarah Thring

    You are wonderful.

  • Flow My Tears, The Policeman Said — a novel by Philip K. Dick. :) R

    Dear Ms. Crosbie, luv your poetry! :) R

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